“A fully surrendered devotee always hopes that Lord Krishna will be kind to him. This hope is very firm in him. Eagerness is chiefly characterized by an ardent desire to associate with the Lord.†(p 58)
This is one of the key elements of my faith—the constant hope that although I am unworthy and fallen, Radha Krishna will be merciful to me. As I said earlier, we cannot earn pure love of Radha Krishna. It is a gift that is given by them and the gurus. Causeless mercy flows down to a surrendered soul because such a person has no other refuge and Radha Krishna will not abandon their surrendered devotees.
What is the kindness that we hope for? Simply that our love may increase and that we may become eternal associates of the Divine Couple so that we may serve them more fully. So many times I have prayed for them to reveal themselves to me so that I may see their true forms. So many times I have prayed, “Take me now.†Yet, I am still here, serving in separation. When, oh when will that day be mine?
As for myself, I have more of an ardent desire to be with Radha than with Krishna. That is the mood of the manjaris (maidservants). They are more interested in serving and being with Radha than Krishna. They do not desire to enjoy Krishna directly, but enjoy many times more by bringing Radha and Krishna together and sharing in their love.
“’A devotee absorbed in ecstatic emotion for Krishna always resides in a place where Krishna’s pastimes were performed.’ Chaitanya-charitamrita, Madhya 23.39â€
I had the good fortune to live in Vrindaban and visit the holy places of Braja such as Radha Kunda in the early 1970s before many Westerners went there. Gauranga Das, a great devotee I met there, recommended, “Never leave Vrindaban. In Vrindaban, you will gain energy for developing your Krishna consciousness. Everywhere else you will be drained. Here people are chanting Hare Krishna twenty-four hours a day. They are always remembering Krishna’s pastimes.”
Swamiji sent me away from Vrindaban against my wishes on certain missions he wanted me to carry out. Over the years, my path took me to many places far from Vrindaban. I always have gopi chandan and clay from Radha Kunda, a leaf from the tree Krishna would embrace in separation from Radha and a picture of Radha Kunda. In my heart, I am always a resident of Vrindaban/Radha Kunda.
Last year I moved to the rainforest of Hawai’i. It is so easy to remember Vrindaban here because this place is so beautiful. My home in the forest here is non-different from my abode in the grove of the eternal Vrindaban. Through Radha Krishna’s unlimited potencies, their pastimes are going on here also. We can turn any place into Vrindaban.
Yet what a blessing it is to live in Vrindaban or Radha Kunda, India. However, that is not my fate, and even in Vrindaban, I was sometimes given the task of building a temple there which diminished my ability to experience the transcendental mood of Vrindaban I so relished.
“Mahaprabhu has spoken of Radha, the topmost devotee in this way, ‘Srimati Radharani has unlimited transcendental qualities of which twenty-five qualities are principal. Sri Krishna is controlled by these transcendental qualities of Srimati Radharani.’ Chaitanya-charitamrita, Madhya 23.86†(p 59)
This is why I am so much more attracted to Radha than Krishna—she has Krishna under her control. Radha is Supreme. Radha rules! She is so beautiful and so loving that Krishna is wrapped around her little finger. He will do anything to please her. What to speak of a person like me, how can I resist her attraction.
The supreme controller is controlled by the love of Radha. She is the supreme goal of all spiritual processes. She is the Supreme Goddess of my heart. Jai Radhe!
